But I need you...

Photo by Arjunsyah on Unsplash

Imagine

You’re having an argument with your boo and it's heated. It’s not break-up bad, but it's close. It’s the kind of fight where you look at them and you’re like, “Fuck being a human and being imperfect and fuck being a human and being understanding”.

The person you love is annoying you right now, and you look at them, with love and annoyance, then you announce your departure to your friends’ for the night. Maybe you don’t go that far, maybe you angrily grab a pillow to go to a different room. Just for the night.

Since it’s a fight of love and, you know, between people that have understanding for each other, that kind of understanding that understands the bullshit of human fallibility, they grab your hand or call your name, whichever suits your picture best, and say some lovely words, “but I need you?”

Now if my calculations are correct, your response and feelings to and about that statement can vary extensively depending on… maybe your gender and whatever ideals have been pumped in your head about what should and shouldn’t be. Maybe even some ideas about the nature of relationships and how much we are allowed to “need” our partner. Heck, if we are even allowed to say that.

Not ‘want’ o, but ‘need’.

 

I for one can say, hearing that statement would first drive me through a scared AF frenzy. In, comes the dread of being needed, therefore being responsible for someone’s sustenance. Followed briskly by the deep understanding of this NEED my partner has and how I’d loved to be a balm to soothe their humanness.

 

To me, both feelings pull in opposite directions, The first one, away and the other, closer than skin.

 

Photo by Alexis Fauvet on Unsplash

Apparently, “needing” people is “healthy” lool, and the culture of suppressing or substitution of that to independence (whatever the fuck that means), is…probably rooted in patriarchy (we can talk about that one later).

Needless to say, I just might stay in that room with boo, depending on the offense of course. I might begrudgingly grab my pillow from underneath my arm, throw it on the bed and sleep facing away that night.

From personal experience of dating just men, I can attest to the ease at which they do not hesitate to express their need for connection… at times. ( *okay maybe I’m over-generalizing there :P)

My point is, I couldn’t imagine myself saying that to a partner, a male partner. I couldn’t imagine telling them to stay, b’cuz I needed them in this scenario. I might brand myself weak at that moment. I might even scold myself a bit, for, there I say, allowing myself to step into this ever-widening hole of male dependence.

I can’t say that has to do just with 'trust issues', and not also to do with my perception of how my partner would react to me saying that. I mean, there is a whole thing about “needy women”.

Fuck patriarchy, and fuck the powers that be, that make us hold our tongues.

 

Anyway, what would you say? 

part 2 here